haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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