you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just threw up on my dentist
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Im part way to drunk.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
