i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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