I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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