Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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