What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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