ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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