Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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