im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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