what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
