Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
