i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
