You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
