I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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