Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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