I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
