he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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