Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
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