I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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