1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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