8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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