I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
