Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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