That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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