Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
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