We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
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my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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