My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
