Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
