If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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