I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
