do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
