Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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