i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
