Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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