I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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