I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
