While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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