so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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