The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
