Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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