he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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