You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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