We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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