the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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