so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
love makes seman taste better
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
