Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Holy sore nipples Batman
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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