So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
