And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
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The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just want nice things and good sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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