My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
