my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
