The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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