I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
