I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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