Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
