this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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