STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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