I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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