woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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