Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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