He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
