He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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