It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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