a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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