I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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