fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
