Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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