i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I looked at my own cervix.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
