dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
