She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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