This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
