So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
