Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
