i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
